The Floor Carrot

Alright, so here is the deal, anyone that knows me is aware that I am a bit of a selective germophobe. As in, I am not always the tidiest of people, but I still won't share food or drink.

It is for that reason that I think my friends might get a kick out of the following narrative.

I was at a casual function where snacks and beverages were being served. Among the snacks was a vegetable tray. I grabbed a few things, not bothering to get myself a plate because I didn't take very much. As I was eating I happened to drop one of my baby carrots on the floor. The carpeted floor. Which I know for fact isn't vacuumed very often. On which people were walking with their outdoor shoes. Also, the carrot bounced a few times before I picked it up. So, obviously, this carrot was pretty much dead to me, there was no way I was going to eat it now, but I picked it up with the intention of immediately throwing it out. Unfortunately there wasn't a garbage in sight, and I was soon engaged in conversation by a fellow mingler. No problem, I thought to myself, I will simply hold on to the carrot until I spot a garbage. Well, I guess as I was chatting I got a little distracted, and some sort of terrible instinct got the floor carrot from my hand to my mouth. I only realized what I had done about two chews in. I was horrified. Completely horrified. I couldn't spit the carrot out now, not when I was in the middle of chatting with someone, and had no napkin, and there was so nearby garbage for me to dump the non-existent napkin into anyways. My thoughts were dominated by two things:

1. OMG, I am eating the super disgusting floor carrot.

2. Has anyone noticed that I am eating the super disgusting floor carrot? Are they judging me? Do they think I regularly eat floor food without a care?

I troopered it out, more and more disgusted by every chew, but I eventually swallowed.

Even today I can still remember the repulsive taste. I was sure I sure I could detect dirt, and lint, and something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

Ugh.